Monday, 22 February 2010

The one with... giving birth experience...

! Be warned: long entry ahead.. !

My EDD was supposed to be today on 22 February 2010.. and honestly, both Kerol and I thought that our baby will only be delivered some time during the Chinese New Year break the soonest, if not later.

But it’s all started during the first week of February.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010.
I didn’t feel any baby movement since morning around 10am or so.. I was in office the whole day and was quite busy rushing things out as much as I can before I go for my maternity leave.. So trying to comfort myself, I thought, “Oh maybe sebab sibuk sangat kot sampai tak perasan baby ada move..”.. Truth to be told, I was not really convinced but hang on to my own words of comfort anyway.

Towards evening, still, there was no sign of baby moving. I was worried sick. So worried and stress I accidentally let it out on Kerol. He was supposed to pick me up from work but he arrived late because it was raining in KL, so biasa lah… mesti la traffic jem teruk. But I made such a big fuss. We were both on a quiet mode all the way back home until he broke the silence by asking me what I wanted to have for dinner. To which I replied, “Anything..”.. and that’s when suddenly I burst into tears and told him that our baby was not moving since morning. He then touched my tummy and tried to ‘play’ with the baby, because normally the baby will give some kind of reaction towards it. Confirmed, no movement still.

So we had a quick dinner and rushed to Naluri thereafter. I was scolded for coming in late, they said I should have come earlier. I was put on the CTG machine, and thank God, baby’s heartbeat was normal.. but my gynae macam tak puas hati why my baby didn’t move, so she wanted for me to be admitted right away and to be induced. Both Kerol and I were like, “Haaahhh?? Induce? Today??”.. That was like, TOO SOON to be true…wasn’t it? It was already close to 12 midnight when the gynae told us that, so trying to buy time, we discussed with the gynae and told her that we wanted to go back first, and that we will come to proceed with the procedure the next morning. My gynae agreed.

Thursday, 4 February 2010.
We couldn’t sleep at all that night. Both of us kept on talking and playing with the baby.. To our relief, there were few movements here and there.. but those were the weak ones… :(

10 am - We made move to Naluri again. Based on the scanning, baby’s condition was ok, my waterbag level was ok, and baby’s heartbeat was ok too. But to my surprise, I was already 1 cm dilated. Gynae said, I needed to be warded and monitored right away. I told her I haven’t had any meal yet, so my gynae allowed me to have my ‘last’ meal.. :P Ibu, Kerol and myself went to JJ Aeon AU2 and had lunch at Madams Lim.. I even ordered ribena longan and bought the Big Apple donut too.. :)

2 pm – After had my big feast, Kerol dropped me off at Naluri for he needed to send ibu back home and prepared air selusuh for me.. I requested for a single-bedded room, and thank God there’s one available. Made deposit payment and was sent to the treatment room right away. I was put on the CTG machine for as forever as I can remember. Huhu.. One thing for sure, baby’s heartbeat was ok and normal.. in the range of 160 – 170.

11 pm – Gynae came and did the checking on me. I was still 1 cm dilated (!!!!) and there was no strong contraction yet. Baby’s heartbeat was ok but still, he’s not as active as he normally is. Gynae was worried that baby has started to swallow his own stool or that my waterbag has been contaminated, she decided to break my waterbag. It was another painful procedure (on top of checking the opening) !! :( By this time, I’ve been having a lot of visits already from families and relatives. But they all had to go by 10.30pm. Only Kerol and I were left alone.

12 midnight – I started to feel contraction that came together with a slight pain. Kerol cannot wait together with me because I was put at the treatment room, where one bed was only separated from another by a curtain. So, neither visitor nor husband was allowed to be in. Kerol waited for me at our room.

Friday, 5 February 2010.
1 am – Strong contractions started to come and go within the span of 10 - 15 minutes. And every time I moved to ease the pain, waterbag and blood kept on coming out of me. I felt so so uncomfortable. I called in the nurse, I said I wanted Kerol to be with me. The pain seems to be too unbearable when I was left alone. Nurse said, husband can be with me, but I had to be put in the labor room already. I said, whatever it takes, I wanted my husband by all means.

2 am – I was in the labor room with Kerol sitting next to me. Contractions kept on coming more frequent, that time with stronger pain. Too strong and intense I couldn’t describe with words how painful it was. But I guess when they said “sakit nak bersalin ni macam bertarung antara hidup dan mati”, I’ll just have to agree with it. And what frustrated me more, my opening didn’t move much, I was only 1.5 cm dilated!

3 am – By this time, I was already at the point of giving up. Contractions came within 2 - 3 mins and my opening was only 3 cm. Whatever I recited and prayed, whatever Kerol said, or did, or asked me to recite and pray.. didn’t make the pain felt any lesser. Well maybe it did, but to the least extent. Kerol told that I was screaming like nobody’s business the entire floor could hear me, and that he was even beaten up and scolded by me… (huhu.. sorry sayang!).. I even said things like, “Please take out the baby out of me..!”.. “I want to go through c-sec now!”… “Dah tak tahan dah niiii.. Tak boleh ke buatkan opening tu jadi 10cm skarang jugak!” etc.

4am – Still, my opening didn’t move much. I think around this time I was only 4cm dilated. Contractions kept on coming and pain was at its peak. I screamed and recited all the Al-Quran verses that I can remember but the pain didn’t go away. Kerol said I kept on pulling my hair.. and my body was meleding menahan sakit. He wanted to help me so much but it seems like he couldn’t do much.. He kept on guiding me on what to recite, suruh mengucap and such, and said all the nicest words he could say. To come to think of it, I am SO thankful I have such a wonderful husband like him to be by my side during such a trying time. He was basically with me all night long doing the best he could do to take the pain away from me....

5am – I was still 4cm dilated. I cannot take it anymore, I asked the nurse for pethidine, but they didn’t allow me coz scared it will affect the baby since my waterbag level was reducing. I asked for the ethonox gas, but to my disappointment, Naluri didn’t have one! So one final option, I asked permission from Kerol, can I have the epidural… because initially we both agreed that I wont take that procedure. Looking at how suffer I was, Kerol agreed right away. But we had to wait until 8am for the doctor to come and perform the epidural on me. Kerol performed his Subuh prayer in the labor room itself as I didn’t want him to be out of my sight even a second. I could hear him praying for a smooth labor process for me.. and for me to be forgiven for all the sins I’ve committed.. Words cannot describe how touching the moment was.

8am – The doctor finally came to give me the epidural. By this time, it seems like whatever procedures performed on me was bearable as compared to the contraction pain. The checking of my opening ke.. The epidural procedure ke.. Semua tak rasa sakit dah.. I was like menyerah diri je untuk diperlakukan ape2 procedure. Oh and I was only 5 cm dilated by this time. One thing I would like to take note was how nice the nurse towards me… She kept on saying nice things like what to recite and words like "sabar ye sayang.. sikittt je lagi…”.. And I felt sad that she was about to end her shift… I remembered asking her not to go yet and to continue to extent her shift, but of course she couldn’t do that just for me.

8.30 am – The epidural seems to work wonders on me! :) Seriously, I managed to smile finally and talk to Kerol while waiting for my opening to fully dilate to 10cm. I felt nothing from waist below even though the CTG machine shows that I was having strong contractions within the span of 2 - 3 minutes. I prayed hard for my opening to fully dilate as soon as possible. I took a look at Kerol, he was as tired as me.. Poor my love, he had to go through the whole process with me. By this time, I remembered having a thought, how can they said only women had to go through the hard time when it comes to pregnancy and giving birth. My beloved Kerol practically had to bear with me for the past 38 weeks, and during this labor process too. Immediately I felt guilty for kept on asking for i-phone once I’ve delivered as a ‘reward’. I felt that there’s no such thing as reward for carrying his child, he was involved in the whole process entirely. If there’s one reward, it will be the newborn baby… for both of us…

12.45pm – Finally, the moment has come. I was told that I was already 10cm dilated! SO happy!!!!! Then came in the nurse teaching me how to breathe and push. She wanted me to push the baby’s head until it can be seen from the outside, then only she will call the gynae. Kerol helped me to make sure that my chin stick to my chest when I did the pushing. I thought I was doing good, and so the nurse said. Baby’s hair can be seen from outside already.

1pm – Came in my gynae.. and so did the real deal. The pushing was not as easy as I’ve practiced earlier. This was the thing about taking epidural, you felt nothing! Well, ada la rasa.. tapi sikitttt sangat. I thought I’ve pushed hard enough, but I was wrong. Everyone kept on asking me to hold my breath and push harder, but from their voices I guessed I didn’t push that hard. Coz I didn’t feel a thing! I didn’t feel the contraction so I didn’t know when to push and when to hold my breath. So there was I, playing the pushing and breathing game and for what seems to be within 10mins or so… I felt something coming out of me and there, a newborn baby boy was put on my tummy, crying his lung out loud.. He was then taken away to be washed up, and I looked at Kerol in disbelief, in mixed emotions, and kept on saying in tears, “hah.. dah sudah dah? baby kita dah lahir dah? Omg I did it??”.. and Kerol, being as adorable as he always is, looked into my eyes so deeply while usap-ing and kissing my forehead few times and kept on saying “ye sayang.. its over now.. you’re doing great.. I’m so proud of you..”… :')

1.16pm – and so that was the story, our precious baby boy named Kh@yr Elymr@n was safely born on Friday, 5 February 2010 at 1.16pm….(20 Safar 1431H). After Kerol recited the azan and iqamat to him, he passed baby Khayr to me.. and I felt these amazing feelings in me, embracing the miracle of Allah SWT with His creation.. I remembered looking into Khayr’s eyes and felt, Ya Allah.. this is the human being I was carrying around for the past 38 weeks in my tummy.. and here he is, finally in my arms.. Syukur sangat2...

Oh ye, it was later only I learnt that I had to be vacuum assisted… :( I felt so guilty towards Khayr for not being able to push him out hard enough.. But then again, Kerol comforted me by saying, its all done now, yang penting both baby and me are fine..

In terms of name, we decided to name our baby as ‘Khayr’ which means sebaik-baik… and during my pregnancy, I fell in love with this surah in Al-Quran called ‘Ali-Imran’.. So I twisted it a bit to be Elymr@n in the pursue of wanting to have our baby’s name to start with E to follow my second name ‘Edlina’… coz the first one is already following Kerol’s. So yeah Elymr@n it is. I know Elymr@n has no specific meaning, but I’m sure (and will make sure that) people wont call him Ely or Elym.. With Elymr@n, the ‘Imran’ part stands out more.. so yeah, Imran means budi bahasa.

Both Kerol and I are hoping our godsend son will be both baik and berbudi bahasa throughout his life here and thereafter… InsyaAllah…

So there, my first ever giving birth experience……. a wonderful experience I've never thought I will go through in life, and therefore will be treasured and cherished so much... :')

Friday, 19 February 2010

The one with... postpartum depression and baby blues..

Well, the term 'depression' might be a bit too exaggerate of a word, but yes, I must admit that during the first week after I gave birth to baby Khayr, somehow at night I will feel quite emotional and will have my own crying episodes.. but thank God its not up until to the extend of losing interest on my own baby.

Though I've prepared mentally and physically (or so I thought..), life after having baby didn't start as smooth as I thought it would be. Dengan sakitnya and susah nak gerak, I felt so helpless not being able to even change Khayr's diapers and nursing him. And the feeling gets worsen seeing my mom or Kerol did that on Khayr, I felt so... envious.

The change of the body inside out also contributed to the whole blues feeling. I felt scared that I won't feel comfortable with my body the way I felt before... Rasa sakit.. Pastu rimas with the everyday routine -- mandi sekali sehari, kena mandi dengan air panas, tak boleh minum banyak2 at one go, berlemuih dengan mak nenek lulur and minyak ape ntah from NR, berbengkung all the time, bertungku, kena gerak slow, etc.. Rasa macam, ntah... sedih. Rasa macam diri ni selekeh and tak berdaya je.

And somehow God knows why suddenly I had this feeling that life won't be the same again.. It's like, out of nowhere I sobbed over the thought that I won't be able to enjoy life being berdua with Kerol, alone.. Rasa tak puas lagi hidup berdua.. Huhu silly me, I should have seen that coming when I was pregnant with Khayr.. Pastu somehow ntah macamane rasa macam Kerol dah kurang sayang dah kat diri nih.. Huhu.. :P

Then came about the confinement practice. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed having visitors and guests around for it really made my day.. and it made time flies too.. But somehow I felt so rimas with all the differing opinions when it comes to the practice... And not to mention about Khayr's jaundice too.. Kasik air masak la.. Susu kambing la.. Mandi air sensei la.. Ada yang kata boleh.. Ada yang kata tak boleh.. Ni dah bawak Khayr check kat Naluri + government clinic, both of the blood test results revealed that Khayr is recovering from his jaundice.. *alhamdulillah* Last reading this morning was 11.2.. But his skin is still yellow in colour.. Doctors from both places cakap its because we bathed him with the herbs thingy we bought from kedai sensei.. They said doing that is like equivalent to dying Khayr's skin with yellow colour... *sigh* Sampai sekarang if ada orang datang, first thing mesti tegur "Eh... baby ni kuning niiii..."... Ermmmm tak suka nye dengar!! *tsk* Well to me one thing for sure, keep on giving him with breast milk.

Ok now breastfeeding is.... not easy in the beginning.. :'( Especially that Naluri is not quite baby-friendly when it comes to this. Khayr was fed with formula milk when he was first taken away from me for observation after I delivered him.. :( And the fact that my milk was not that much during the first few days didn't help either... Again, another factor contributing to the whole blues feeling I was having.. (-_-").. I welcome advices and opinions on what to do / eat to banyakkan susu badan, but please, don't say it in such a way to belittle my condition and effort. Just because it works on you, doesn't mean it works on me too... you get what I mean? But thank God sekarang ni even susu takde lah melimpah ruah untuk buat stock, at least it is sufficient enough to supply Khayr based on his demand.. And yes, I won't give up.. I will do whatever it takes to make sure I get to continue to breastfeed Khayr exclusively.. Minum air longan.. Minum horlicks.. Minum milo.. Makan pegaga.. Makan lobak putih... Jangan ambil jamu.. Berurut... Continuous direct feeding, especially at night.. you name it.

Well I bet this differing opinions thingy won't stop just here. It will still go on even later about how to raise the baby, what to use, what not to use, what to eat, what not to eat, what brand to buy and not to buy, yadda yadda yadda kan? Sigh.... I guess, jiwa kena kental -- listen to what others have to say, but take in only those that suits to our liking... no?

So basically those were how and what I felt during the several days post giving birth.. Thank God the feelings were only temporary... Sekarang dah tak sakit dah, and I feel much much better and refreshed now, and start getting used to the change in life and enjoying every moment of it.. :) Really looking forward to the end of 44 days of confinement period to go back to our own home sweet home and start our little family life on our own.. (29 days to go yaw!)

Thank you so so much both Mama and Kerol for being very supportive during the trying time.. Especially to Mama, for taking care of both me and Khayr.. *tsk* Sangat terharu. Tak habis lagi rasa appreciative in a whole lot of new level and insaf sangat2 thinking about pengorbanan Mama selama ni after I myself went through the labor pain and giving birth experience, perasaan tu bertambah2 pulak bila tengok how Mama takes care of me during this confinement period.. :'( Memang tak terbalas rasanye.... And to Kerol, for making sure everything is in place for both myself and Khayr.. Dengan kena berulang Keramat - Gombak, waking up at nights to be with me attending Khayr, pergi kerja, find some time to bring Khayr for check-up, and the list goes on.. I love you so much dear husband.. You've been such a wonderful husband to me and abah to our lil Khayr...

And to friends (you know who you are..) -- thank you also for words of comfort everytime I seek for solace and opinion.. And for visiting and gifts too! :)

Eh okie dokie Khayr dah start buat bunyi 'ehek ehek' dah now.. It's his feeding time..

Till later k~!

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

The one with... adjusting...

Hi... I've had few attempts to update the blog, but everything I wrote seems to come out wrong... Guess I need some time to adjust before continue life as usual.. So until then, this blog is going to remain idle for a while.. (err.. I think -- we'll see k.. :P).

Anyway, baby Khayr and me are doing fine... He's recovering from his jaundice and I myself are recovering too, you know with the stitches and whatnot.. *tSk*

Confinement for me is so far so good.. only thing is I can't seem to bear the idea of having to avoid iced and cold drinks for 44 days, especially during this SUPER HOT weather time.. :( I know its for my own good later in the future, so I've been following the rules faithfully. Wish me luck ok! From news they said this hot weather will end sometime in March, thats when my confinement period will end too... Can't wait!!!!

Other than that, life resumes as usual, with a lot of adjusting of course. I am so thankful Kerol has been nothing but a wonderful husband to me and responsible abah to our Khayr...

Will update more soon hopefully.

Okie dokie, off I go now counting:

  • days towards the end of my confinement period (32 days to go!)

  • weight loss towards my pre-pregnancy weight (I gained 18kg in total -- after gave birth and went through 12 days of confinement, I've lost 13kg.. 5kg more to lose!)

  • age days and weight gain for baby Khayr.. tak sabar nak tengok dia membesar! he's 12 days old as of today! yeay!

  • days towards going back to our home in Gombak and start life with baby Khayr in it..

Till later~!

p.s.#1 - I wanted so much to put up more photos of baby Khayr, but the two grandmas have asked us to wait until I'm done with confinement.. Kata mereka, cuba tengok artis macam Erra tu.. Ziana Zain.. Amy Mastura.. Angeline Jolie.. etc etc etc... semua pun simpan dulu gambar baby diorang.. tunggu abes pantang dulu... So with all due respect, no pictures of our lil angel until then.. Huhu..

p.s.#2 - Selamat Tahun Baru Cina to all my Chinese readers.. wishing you guys a prosperous year ahead okie! :)

Sunday, 7 February 2010

The one with... of entering parenthood... :)))))


Kh@yr Elymr@n Bin Khairul Fadzly...


Born on 5 February 2010, Friday at 1.16pm.. (20 Safar 1431H)..

Weighing a healthy 2.75kg, 50cm in length..

Thats all for now, the new parents have got a lot of things to learn and adjusting to do...!

Till later~*

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

The one with... the ending of Jan and the starting of Feb 2010.

(it's no surprise that) This is the month of Feb yaw! If you must know, it's the month of which my estimated due date (EDD) falls in. Huhu... I'm having mixed feelings now that my EDD is nearing... All sorts of feelings -- nervous, happy, sad, excited, and the list goes on.. My hospital bag is all ready packed and kept in the car, just in case... :) Thanks to the remarks I've been receiving from other people who kept on saying "tengok rupe awak ni... macam dah tak lama lagi dah ni nak beranak.. 2 - 3 hari lagi ni....".. Hoho seriously, this came out not only from one person, but 4 - 5 different persons (strangers and relatives) from different places ok! *scary*


Things have been quite hectic for the past couple of days, long weekend included.. and it was days filled with food galore... Yaiks! Not good not goooood.... From the last check-up I learnt that my baby's weight was within the normal range, but towards the higher side.. Huhu... So my gynae has been asking me to control my diet if I don't want my baby to grow bigger and bigger.. Though it's hard to rule that out given that I myself was born 3.8kg! :P Tomorrow I'm due for another check-up and my gynae is going to measure my pelvic bone size to see whether I can give a normal birth or not to my baby.. *god please i hope i can, but then i'm open for options -- thats what other people has been advising me on*

It's all started from last week's Thurs and Fri whereby I had this regional training at office.. Well, dah kata training kan, so makan 5 kali sehari confirm cukup.. (breakfast + morning break + lunch + tea break + dinner)... And the best part was the group's dinner at the chinese restaurant in Maju Palace.. The 10 course meal + yee sang was super delicious... *yummeyh!*

Then on Friday night, I chanced upon meeting up with my girls -- Alin, Dayana and Tina (and her cutey pie Mika) at Chilli's in MidValley... Had a great time as always! :) And Alin gave me this present for my baby -- 4 pairs of cute lil socks and a romper... *Thanks Lin, love 'em all!*

- The preggerinos me and Tina :) -

- Alin and Dayana -

After dinner, we went into separate ways.. But Dayana had to send me back home... So alang2 dah sampai my house, I invited her in.. and Alin joined in as well not long after. Borak punya borak, sedar2 dah pukul 4 pagi! huhu... It has been quite a while since I stayed up till such late at night doing nothing but chit-chatting and laughing with the company of good friends... awesome! :)

On Saturday, I woke up (very) late in the evening.. Memang pengsan habes laaa, penangan buat kerja gila tidur lambat... :P Once I had my shower, we went to my MIL's house and hang out there till night time.. Which in a way means that meals were all sorted out :) Kerol's auntie went to London + Paris in December, so she came to give us the souvenirs.. My baby received yet another nice pressie! 7 cute baby rompers... weeee! ;) (hoho mama dia pulak yang happy lebih2.. :P)

Then came Sunday, the day I've been looking forward to... my clickclick session! :) I've been asking around for quotation, but semua macam quote mahal2 lah for a pregnancy photoshoot.. Coz all I wanted to capture was the look of the pregnant me, for remembrance sake.. Which can be covered with few shots, that's all.. Then luckily Kerol had this idea to ask for help from his brother, looking at his interest in photography of late.. So as planned, on Sunday morning off we go to the KLCC park -- Kerol, myself, Erin my sister, my BIL and SIL.. and here are some of the photos taken... LOVING IT! :)

- these are the cute lil socks given by Alin -

- the hidden me, but not the tummy! :) -

- hmm taktau nak letak caption ape.. -

- i love this pic the most! -

My, I do look like a whale now, don't I? (A cute whale, that is.. :D) Only one shot we haven't done yet -- nak tangkap gambar my perut, uncovered... This, of course will be done by Kerol nanti :) (just the perut part is uncovered ye FYI)..

After the photoshoot, together with Muni + Famie and their lil Maya, we went to visit our friends Bibi and Iyma (yup the ones who attended the antenal class together with me not long time ago!) and their cute lil newborns in Sungai Buloh and Cheras respectively. As usual, kumpul2 cerita giving birth, lepas tu nervous sorang2... :P Anyway, Bibi's Adriana Balqis and Iyma's Suri Raudhah looking so cute like little angels.. Made me feel like I can't wait to have mine in my arms soon.... :)

Then on the public holiday of 1st Feb, we did nothing but staying in at home for we were just too tired from the activities on the weekend... and that was the day we packed up for my hospital bag, finally! :)

Okie dokie, my Subway sandwich is here already.. Off for lunch now, till later k~!