Tuesday, 8 January 2008

The one with... atuk.

I guess not everyone knows that my grandfather has been diagnosed with a final stage of liver cancer sometime in the middle of last year.

Well, not that I want to announce to the whole world, but a fact is a fact. I couldn't locate any previous entries I’ve done re atuk’s condition. So the first statement I just made should serve as a quick introduction before I continue typing the rest.

Atuk has been staying with my family for quite a while already and his condition is getting worsen with each passing day. His tummy is growing bigger and its becoming more hardened now. And due to the failure of some of his internal organs’ functions, there are lumps coming out on his skin all over his body. The doctors predicted then that atuk wont last for long, but atuk is quite strong. It has been almost half a year now. True enough, ajal maut di tangan Tuhan.

I do not type this to exaggerate things nor I want to embarrass him. But his condition was such an eye opener to me, in the sense that things are not easy when it comes to matters like this. And how a cancer can really affect its ‘victim’. Every time I saw how my mom nurses atuk, I couldn’t help it from wondering would I be able to do the same when it comes to my dad later. Whatever it is, I guess my mom is right, when the time comes, you’ll know just how and what to do. How I admire my mom’s great level of strength and patient....

I woke up this morning as early as 6.30 am to the loud and non-stop knockings on bedroom door. Everything was a bit blur at first but I could guess it must have been something to do with atuk. My sister Erin came out seconds later, asking me what’s happening. I told him mom asked us to put on proper attire since there are neighbours downstairs. As I was done, I went down and to my shock; atuk was all bleeding in his room. The mattress and pillow were already drenched with blood, and there were even traces of bloodstains on the sidewall and also blood clogs on the bed. Atuk was there lying, not moving at all but he was still breathing - much to my relieved.

I was so panic I didn’t know what to do initially. Same goes to my mom and Erin I guess. But luckily we had one neighbour working as a doctor, and another one working as a nurse. They somehow helped us to manage the situation quite well. Apparently, ‘something’ inside my atuk must have ‘burst’, hence the ever-flowing blood coming out through his private part. The men stood in the room reciting Yassin, while the women helped with the cleaning of atuk. At about 45 minutes later, an ambulance came to bring atuk to the hospital. Erin went with mom to be in the ambulance, while I stayed at home to do the necessary. After thanking my neighbours who dropped by to lend their helping hands, I went inside the house.

With the help of one neighbour, i.e. the mother of one of the kids my mom used to baby-sit last time, we cleaned the mattress, the pillow, towels, etc etc etc. I washed the mattress outside, in front of my house while my neighbour washed the clothes and everything in the toilet. Those needs to be brushed off for few times as bloodstains are not easy to be cleaned. We used gloves and facemasks while doing all that because the smell was so strong and the blood was quite thick. The neighbour went back home at about 10am, and told me not to hesitate to call her in case of need. I nodded my head and went back inside the house, and continued with the cleaning. I brushed the wall, and then mopped the floor in the bedroom and the areas outside. I had to do that twice to make sure the smell really gone.

Meanwhile, mom called me from the hospital telling that atuk was in the emergency room, so she didn’t know any status just yet. And Kerol dropped by my house to pass me food for breakfast. To tell you the truth, I was a bit hungry but didn’t have appetite to eat. Bukan saja2 nak rasa loya or what, but if you experienced just how I did, I’m sure you’ll understand. It took me a while before I regained my appetite.

Anyway, I just got back from hospital at about 9pm just now. I was there since 2pm with mom and Erin, and Kerol joined us at about 4.30pm. Somehow according to the doctors, they couldn’t detect the source of the bleeding. It’s like to them, atuk’s condition now is nothing close to what we’ve described to them what happened this morning. Sigh. Susah kan. Those who witnessed how things were this morning would have understood why we were worried sick about atuk’s condition. And as always, we will get either, “Kami memang tak boleh nak buat apa2 dah skarang sebab cancer pakcik dah final stage” or “We will keep on observing. If nothing happens within 24 hours, you can bring him back home”….

Whatever it is, we leave everything to Allah for He knows what’s best for atuk.. Atuk is a bit stable in HKL for now, but once in a while he'll scream in pain... I was all prepared to be strong, but I cannot take it everytime I saw my mom cried... :'(

I’ll be on EL still tomorrow. Praying for atuk’s safety…. Amin.


  1. although i dont pray, but i hope ur atuk well..

    stay strong..and i think u did well, i probably would have freaked out..

  2. babe,
    stay strong ok.. i'll pray hard for him and your family..

  3. hi..salam ziarah..i hope he will be ok soon..byk2kan bersabar yer..

  4. To Joe, Tina, and Shasha,

    thanks a lot...