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Friday, 14 December 2007

The one with... choices (entry yang takde arah tuju).

They say, life is about choices. In fact, my friend Joe just wrote an entry with “life is about choices” as the title.

Is it true?

Hmm.

Let me reflect back my life for the past 25 years.

I was on born on August 6definitely not my choice.

I was sent for kindergarten when I was 5not my choice. They said 5 is just about the right time.

I was sent for primary & secondary schools accordinglynot my choice. They said to be able to survive in this cruel mad mad world, you need to have proper education.

I went to UiTM for my Diploma & Degree qualificationnot my choice too. I wanted to further studies to UK in accountancy, but I didn’t have the right qualification required by the 2 main sponsors JPA and MARA. You see, I didn’t get to do any accounting related subjects in SPM other than Prinsip Akaun itself (Economics, Perdagangan whatnot) when that's what needed to be sponsored to study overseas in accounting by the said sponsors. And, I couldn’t afford to go to UK on my own terms.

I went straight to the working world after my Degree by entering the one of the big 4 audit firmsnot my choice too. OK lah, that's a bit an understatement.

But seriously, with a Degree in accountancy, where else to go? What else to do? Do I have a choice? Like ideally, I want to work in the advertising industry, or entertainment. Editing and Publishing. Magazine. Aku suka2 je sebut ni. But, really, what I meant is, I would like to be in the industry that requires creativity. Art. Something like that. But I can’t afford to risk my life to try something which I’m not sure whether it is meant to be or not.

The last time I knew I was creative was because I was elected to be the one who writes in class every time there’s a class presentation. Or maybe because I always scored in the art class. Or maybe because I had a nice handwriting. Or maybe because I liked to do handmade cards for my then boyfriend. Or because I liked it so much to draw, to write with marker pens and magic pens. Or maybe because I liked to draw on the walls in class whenever I’m bored. You know. That kind of creativity. Creative kah? Can make living out of it kah? But how do I know whether I can go further along that line when it was emphasized so much that the life survival kit comprises either these three main areas – medic, engineering, or accountancy ONLY?

Seriously, to me I didn’t have much choices at that point of time. Blame it on the immature innocent me, coupled with the eldest-minded I had, my purpose of life then was to make my parents proud of me. I’m not blaming them, don’t get me wrong. In fact, I’m thankful that at least I had purpose in life then, which eventually brings to the current me now. Proper education. Proper work that helps to pay the bills.

But after 4 years of working in this line, which saw me climbing up 2 steps on the corporate ladder within those period of time, came then next question boggling my mind of late – do I really want to do this? Do I really want to be in this fast pace dog eat dog world? Whilst I believe what I have now is the results of my hard work in proving my worth all these years, it is then occurred to me now, how much more should I prove? How much more of hard work they want to squeeze out of me? Can’t I just maintain the same level of working attitude I have now?

My choice – Yes, of course I can. I can always maintain to be in my own comfort zone.

But, ideally should I choose my choice – Can I stand to see people who came in after me passing me by, climbing up further than me because they choose to work harder and prove more of themselves? Can I stand to earn the salary of my current level (because I choose not to work harder to be promoted to the next level) when the way people is treating me is actually based on my years of experience (designation often comes later, I detest!)?

So you see, you don’t really have much choices do you? It’s a cold hard fact that you are not living alone in this world. Hence your choices often have to go hand-in-hand with other things that surround you.

Nak tukar kerja, tapi nanti boleh ke earn the same level of income?
Nak tukar kerja, tapi nanti takut tak ngam plak ngan environment tempat kerja baru?
Nak tukar kerja, tapi nanti cukup ke nak pay all the commitments I’m obligated to now? Duit keta, duit nak kawen, duit nak kasi mama, duit nak shopping, etc etc etc.


What if I stop working here, will I have the same level of “comfort” I have here, at the other places?

What if that.

What if this.

And all the other WHAT Ifs under the sun.

I believe work sucks, no matter where you go. So why bother going to other places aite?

Sheeesh. Now it’s the time when I can really make my choice, but I just can’t.

Too spoilt perhaps since I didn’t really get to choose all this while?

Or maybe all this while they said you have to study and get a good job, full stop. And now that I've accomplished that, what's next? I'm on my own now??

Or maybe choices always come with consequences, I'm not a risk taker.

Pening. (note to self - percaya pada Qada' dan Qadar).

Selingan - I don't get it why people must complain that certain blogs are boring just because too much ramblings in there, or certain blogs are sucks because it contains too much of the writers - what the writer does, where the writer goes, what the writer shops for, etc etc, or certain blogs are the best because they are informative, encourage the readers to think? I mean, don't people think all the time? Point is, why judge and why rate? DOH-OH!

11 comments:

  1. it's ur choice to be a risk taker or not, make sense? ;)

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  2. Alan,

    hmm, i think a risk-taker is not a choice. it's a personality. or perhaps it's the surroundings and the conditions within my life that sort of 'assist' me to choose to be a risk taker. make sense i suppose :) thanks for the comment, that was fast. hehehe.

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  3. correction - it's the surroundings and the conditions within my life that sort of 'assist' me to choose NOT to be a risk taker.

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  4. Fieza,

    As the name suggests - selingan. :)

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  5. it kinda sucks isnt? i always thought i would be meant for the accounting line, bcoz i was good at maths..but there so much more to it - whether career options and things required for the accounting world..

    well what to do..baby steps.. baby steps..even a small step to thinkin what to do with life, is a step forward..ok?

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  6. Joe,
    hahaha yeah. i thought so too. math = accounting. but i suck at add maths.. :D

    yeah, step forward.... the same goes to you too.

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  7. lilia laling,
    the point is, when you have choices, you hv to consider between what do u really want in life, and what you do to make you a happy and better person.

    our life not only revolves around work, sure it's important but at the end of the day, nobody will be thinking "i wish i could spend more time in the office" on the deathbed.

    the keyword here is, balance.

    life is too short to be unhappy. for me, (the rebellious type) i'd go straight to what i want. e.g tuka keje (but there's a slight problem n that is "i don't really freaking know what i want")

    so apa-apa pun, kena selalu doa, and harap-harap hati kita terang dan tenang selalu supaya kita tau apa yang kita buat tu betul.

    (ye, aku membebel)

    selingan: yeah what's up with that? komen2 blog org. tak suka boleh blah lah kan?

    cheers cutie!

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  8. Dalie,

    thanks. aku suka ko membebel. your comment somehow made me smile. awwwww.

    cheers to you too hotness.

    ReplyDelete
  9. hahahhaha....
    just say that u want an excuse for the choices u make, :)

    Im naking my blog private...kalau u nak visit gimme a mail k, i'll send u invites - zuraida_sarin@yahoo.com

    ciao babes!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kak Zu,

    hahahaha. spot on! :)

    why la go private also??? anyway, will send you my email address.

    ReplyDelete