Wednesday, 29 November 2006
Made a wish, I can dream
I can be what I want to be
Not afraid to live my life
And fulfil my fantasies
I learnt a lot of tricks to help me live my life
You helped me find my paradise
When you came I saw
Sunshine through my window
That's what you are
My shining star
Making me feel like I'm on top of the world
Telling me I'll go far
Reaching out, for the highs
You inspired me to try
I felt the magic inside
And I felt that I could fly
I'm looking at the world in an optimistic light
You made me appreciate my life
'Cos when you came you were my
Sunshine through my window
That's what you are
My shining star
Making me feel like I'm on top of the world
Telling me I'll go far
You are the calm
I am the storm
You are the breeze that carries me on
When I said a truth
You wink at me
You're there for me
The lyrics are quite nice and meaningful..and it reminds me of another song i always sing to kerol, i mean, read out, of coz, me such a tone deaf...huhu...
You are my sunshine..
My only sunshine..
You make me happy..
When skies are grey..
You'd never know dear,
How much I love you..
So please dont take, my sunshine awayyyy..
Alritey..i'm gona enjoy my sunshine wednesday..before datangnye hujan dan ribut petir..anytime soon...but hopefully not so soon.. after all, weather changes is a life fact...
Tuesday, 28 November 2006
just feel like typing my heart out here. it’s the second day of the week and so far things are so good. there were few bumps laa actually lately in my relationship, but i guess that one i myself yang carik pasal.. being emo tak menentu.. sume bende pun seems to be wrong to me.. that reminds me of the phrase from Gubra, that goes “why do we hurt the most, the ones we love the most?” … *isk* anyhow am so glad i’m over it already.. i’m so grateful to have someone in my life who is so patient and who is so understanding.. and i can never feel thankful enough..
last weekend was quite good. was suppose to go port dickson to visit opah with mom but mom suddenly decided not to go coz her sister came down from taiping to stay in the hospital with opah. so mom said that its better for her to come later when no one is around rather than sume datang one shot.. kire macam take turn la.. however, opah is getting better.. not recovering, but definitely slightly better.. as a matter of fact, she has been discharged from icu and now getting treatment in the normal ward..
speaking of last weekend, i went to watch a play at the actors studio bangsar with my colleagues on the friday night.. ‘comedy court’ was ok laa.. kelakar tu kelakar, but sometimes i didn’t get to catch the jokes.. basically they were making fun of whats happening in Malaysia, and they did that by acting as Malays, Indian, and Chinese, one at a time.. so things like politics, the chinese in Malaysia being marginalised issue, the murder case of the model, etc and even about siti and datuk K also being brought up and made fun of.. hm, sounded like rude, though like i said, it was quite funny but definitely there were messages being implied in between.. and the two indian actors were really good in acting and imitating esp.. i mean, of course la kan, kalau tak takkan la they can act in a play.. duh me.
i woke up quite late on saturday coz tak jadi balik PD.. and i just lazed around up till late evening before getting ready to go Ida’s house in Melawati.. she’s my friend when i studied in Taiping and she was having a kenduri and makan2 sempena her brother going to Australia for a 6 months pilot course. went there with kerol and nana, with kerol driving.. on the way there, nana updated me about what happened to this one couple from my batch in uitm.. they broke up.. and the reasons they broke up were really bad.. i thought my case was bad enough but sigh.. so sad la.. its unbelievable how things can happened.. how someone we love, someone we trust, someone we’ve been through ups and downs together, can have the heart to cheat on us.. i mean, people change, that, is perfectly acceptable and understood.. its a fact of life.. but cant things be handled and managed and faced in better ways? kenapa masa nak win the heart stage people can do nicely but then mase nak break up people just simply ditch the other someone? dah amek hati secara baik, pulang cara baik jugaklah, though the substance its already a different story.. oh well, i am being too personal already.. better stop now.. coz i myself dont want to talk so much, later kene kat batang hidung sendiri, i.e. having to be in the shoes of people yang change, baru tau how hard to handle things like that.. *mintak dijauhkan - amin*.. (note that i didnt mention about gender here for i believe guys and girls are equally the same - both can change in heart, and both can contribute to the failure of the relationship..)
on sunday, interestingly i woke up as early as 7am.. perghh normal working days pun tak bangun that early..kui kui kui.. reason being, parveen my colleague woke me up to go jogging.. dah lame dah tak pergi jogging on sunday morning. dulu selalu jugak pergi with kerol especially mase zaman tengah buddy2 lagi.. hehe.. tapi skang for some reasons, we’ve been putting it behind every other schedules.. but he’s so lucky he still got to exercise by playing futsal with his gang.. anyhow parveen and i, we’ve been talking about exercising lately and we might be joining gym as well.. huhu.. tengok lah macamane.. we’ll be going for a free trial one of these days and we shall see.. *wink* so, i woke up and picked parv up and we headed to titiwangsa.. was quite fun though, asyik gelak jer.. we finished one round of “jalk” (jogging, then walking), then we joined the group aerobic.. belasah jer join.. hehe.. but it was satisfying, we were drenched in sweat. after that we went for a light breakfast before heading back home.
at home later, i just lazed around reading newspapers and watched the repeat of ANTM before having my nap at 2pm.. woke up at 4pm and got ready to go kerol’s house. his mother was going to perform Haji so we had to send her to the Kompleks Tabung Haji in kelana jaya.. her flight was at 12midnight. went there with kerol’s younger brother and sister. the other sister was taking spm, so she was at her boarding school. his mother was going to be there in Mekah n Madinah for one month plus..it was so touching to see them bidding farewell to the mother, especially the little sister who couldnt stop crying even until we were in the car going back home later. i could see that the tears kept on streaming down her cheeks. the way the siblings are closely attached to the mother is pretty much the same like mine, given the very much alike of the fact of the case. so i understand how does it feels having to part with the mother. when i reached home that night, i sent one comfort message to the sister, hoping that she’ll feel much better. i mean, that’s the least i could do.
oh yeah that night i had a punctured tire as well.. bummer. dah la aritu keta baru anta gi service.. cost me a good RM400++.. ni tayar plak.. pastu nak kene anta keta gi polish coz there’s this one night i think ade kucing gaduh ke hape on my car coz the next day i found out that there were so many scratches and ade bulu kucing as well berterabur on the body of the car.. erghh!! sabar je laa..
alritey.. am signing off for now.
Friday, 24 November 2006
the boom of the song by Gwen Stephanie lately entitled "wind it up" kinda brings back the feelings. and this is one of my favourite song from the movie:
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,
door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles,
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings,
these are a few of my favorite things...
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
silver white winters that melt into springs,
these are a few of my favorite things...
When the dog bites,
Yup... remembering this favourite movie of mine makes me feel glad that somehow i had good times..not only bad times....
as for now, i'm gonna stop.. and make my move to...BREAKFAST! hehehe... oh well, i've learnt my lesson..kene makan complete meal.. tak kira la kan if its already 9.30am in the morning.
thank God its friday.. :)
Thursday, 23 November 2006
i am sick of promises given by this one particular person. sick of all the nice words uttered to me. just to make sure that her job is done. cakap it wont take me long but up until now i am stuck with the job. erghh!! am so terribly annoyed until i cant even see her face when i had a review with her this morning.. its 5.20pm now and though i still have a lot of amendments to go, i'll just gonna go off by 6pm the max. i'd rather continue this at home later. if the need arises. else i'll continue this tomorrow. i just cant take it any longer. i need to have some downtime.
and yesterday i was on MC. the day before i kept on vomiting and went to toilet. it was already 12 midnight when i couldnt take it anymore until i had to tell my colleagues that i couldnt continue to help them with finalising the report and compiling the appendices. the least i could do then was to give them a ride back home. coz they both are women and they both didnt drive to work and it was already so late. so after dropped them off at about 3 am (yes, A.M.), i went straight to clinic. i expected i had food poisoning. but much to my disbelief, the doctor said "ohh ini angin ni...".. i was like, hello? i was vomitting like hell till there's nothing more to be thrown up and yet the rationale behind all that was, angin? then i told doctor, "but i had a complete meal today. i even had nasi goreng for breakfast - which is really not me. i cant take such a heavy breakfast".. then doctor dengan muke sinisnye tanye "awak kerja auditor kan? bile time sibuk makan mesti tak menentu.. hari ni ye lah makan.. how abt ur eating pattern say, for the past 2 weeks?"
err i was dumbfounded. to which i replied, "hmm ye lah kot.. angin.. so? tak sakit lah ni yer? muntah2 tuh biase jer ek?".. after that he then nagged about the importance of having meal at the right time etc.. and gave me an injection! waaa dah lame tak kene inject ni. then ingatkan sakit biase jer, pastu doktor kate, "saye kasik awak MC". by then i was settled, that though it sounded so duh, i was actually vomit because banyak angin. huhu.
so yesterday i was on MC. and yet today, i'm not feeling well still. tekak still rase payau and loya. perut lapar, tapi taktau nak makan ape. semlm pun rase macam ni but then Kerol came and brought bubur for me. and at night i had cornflakes with milk. tapi itu semlm, kat umah. arini kat office, ape yang ade? sume makanan berminyak and fastfood. not much of a choice for healthy food around the office. cemane laaa i am not sick of food as well. bukan saje tanak makan. i normally have milk for breakfast, dont have lunch and have a heavy and complete meal at night. thought its fine.. but apparently its not. haihhh.. pasal makanan pun boleh jadik hal ek...bukan tak bersyukur.. tapi.. haihhh...
sick.. sick.. sick..
oh yeah i think i am so sick with work until just now, suddenly out of nowhere somebody from audit department, of whom i am not close to at all, Sametime (the Y!M version of this office) me, "askum lilia.. nak tanye ni.. betul ke saye dengar awak dah tender?".. i was like "err..hello?bile mase pulaknyer".. i was so puzzled by the fact people from department lain pun boleh come out with such a story about me.. i insisted him from where did he hear that.. he said " ade lah.. dari sumber2 yang bleh dipercayai..".. i didnt want to engage into the conversation any further so i just replied "no lah.. mane ade...YET.. ".. haha.. and dia plak bleh reply "oh ye ke..takpe lah.. in case u plan to, just let me know.. kalau2 ade opening nanti, i'll inform u.."..
hemmm.. interesting. *grin*
Tuesday, 21 November 2006
and i woke up this morning feeling sick too.. i had too much of coffee yesterday.. morning, evening, and at night.. erghh! tekak ni rase macam payau semacam.. hoping to get rid off this funny taste as soon as possible.
and i woke up this morning still feeling damn pissed off with this one particular guy colleague of mine.. he was so rude and mean and inconsiderate yesterday.. i hate people like that... self centered type of people.. buzz off la wei.. *purple with rage*
and i woke up this morning having a nice feeling as well.. the feeling of lucky being blessed with such a wonderful person like Kerol.. someone who is always there for me. yesterday he kept me a company till 2am until i was done with my work.. i can never thank him for always being supportive.. for always lending his ears for me to nag and offering shoulders to cry on when it comes to me having such a bad day in office..and when i had so much of workloads..
and finally above all, i woke up this morning feeling so grateful for i am still alive.. thank God, Allah the Almighty..
Sunday, 19 November 2006
today i attended two open houses, out of five invitation.. haha there you go, lima invitation terus. but i guess its because this weekend marks the last weekend of the Syawal month. so everyone is grabbing the opportunity to hold an open house. yup, Syawal is coming to an end soon - how fast time flies.
went to Hana's house in Ampang first..i was so hungry that time i ate a lot! huhu.. i had everything that being served there..yup that much. i had the nasi minyak with curry chicken, telur masin, sayur timun and popodum; then i had Hana's famous lasagna (finally! hehe..mmg sedap) and i had the carrot slice brownies from secret receipe. as if its not enough to ruin my diet, i even had the kuih raya.. thanks to the guys yang tak berenti2 main PS2 - we ended up spending almost 2 hours at Hana's house..heh.
above L to R: (sitting)Usop, Zarir, Acap, Najib, Panjang, myself and
(standing) Hana, Intan, Fieza
*pic courtesy of Hana*
below: Kerol and Nikman khusyuk main PS2
then Kerol and i actually planned to go to his aunt's house in Shah Alam..but since it was already 4 oclock in the evening when we left Hana's house, we decided to go to Ayu's house in Gombak instead, together with the rest of the gang. by then i was already full. the nasi ayam looked so delicious though but i only had a slice of the Shepherd's pie.. and tasted a little bit of the yummy homemade blueberry and strawberry cheesecake.
i wish i can share more pics here but being someone who has no digi-camera, i shall wait till the others upload theirs and share with the rest..
am so tired now but i'm waiting for the repeat of ANTM at 11pm later..so i'm gonna continue blogging.
opah has not feeling very well lately. the 68yrs old opah (mom's side) suffered the normal sakit tua and especially a very low sugar level in her blood that she fainted now and then, without giving any signals. she was admitted into PD hospital since last Saturday and last Tuesday, mama went there to take care of her. it was so sad to face all this. poor opah, and poor mama as well. she's the only nearest daughter, so she volunteered to go and look after opah in the hospital. past few days i had conversation with mama and everytime i was on the phone with her, she sounded so tired - must be from the sleepless night in hospital. i felt something deep in the heart. some bitter feelings. the feelings of i wish that i can make things better. but i cant. the feelings of helpless.
so past few days i was left home with erin and ajim. luckily ajim wasnt being so fussy about food. he was the youngest, hence the spoilt one.. but i always tend to forget that he's 15. he's big enough to survive when mama was not around, and when erin n i went to work daytime.
papa went back from Penang yesterday. so together with him we siblings went to PD to give a visit to both of opah and mama. mama was just fine - was so relieved to see she smiles the moment she saw us coming in. but opah, she was so weak and looked so pale. mama said opah didnt have the appetite to eat she had to be fed through this one tube inserted into her nose hole. again i felt this bitter feelings in my heart. i felt this whole heart of mine was.. sigh i dunno how to describe. i just felt sad basically. she couldnt talk much. but mama told us that opah was getting better by then. i really wish that she IS getting better. mama and erin spent the Saturday night there while i went back to KL.
this morning when they got back home, i asked about opah. erin said that she was still there in the hospital. and she was in tears when she knew that erin n mama were leaving. sigh. i know mama was torn in between. she had to go back to KL and move on with her life routine..and at the same time she knew opah needs her. she wasnt being selfish, but its never easy to be a single mom. mama is such a strong person and i admire her so much. i told mama, worse come to worst, lets transfer opah to the hospital in KL, so that it would be easier for us. for mama especially.
i wish i can do something to make opah gets better, but i guess itu dah memang ketentuan for her. time past by and everyone is aging. so the least i can do now, is to pray real hard.
Friday, 17 November 2006
So, this is what happened when me and my colleagues had a bad day in office:
yeah. we were goofing around with the bread stick. and we had fun.
but we still had a bad day, thats the fact. oh well, its all in a day's work.
[ background music: bad day song by daniel powter ]
for some reasons, i am aware of the things that caused me to become like that. but those are my reasons..will my reasons ever be considered and heard? i doubt it. i am so upset. always i came across articles in magazines stating that people normally fake their stress. to some extend, i agree things are actually not THAT bad. but ever heard of its always easier said than done? berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul kan? so there are 2 arguments here. means i have a choice to make. stress out, or be cool. and i can make, if i want. hmm....
speaking of which, i think i shouldnt sweat over stuffs. and i believe in 'mind my own business' principle. diam tak bererti bodoh. and diam tak bererti kalah. but i'm afraid that doesnt work in this so called 'dog eat dog world'. where some people tend to climb on other people's heads just to be on top. just to make sure their game plans succeed, through and by whatever means. people will outplay you without you realising it.
but what can i do in this limited capacity of mine? kate kerja makan gaji. coupled with commitments i already have in life i guess i have no choice but to get settled. changes are risky and i am not a risk taker. (for now, at least.) sigh. i am so freaking sick of all this.
so in a nutshell, all i need to do is to go back to basic. ADAPTING. yeah, i'll have to adapt, BUT i'll make sure that my life principle wont be jeopardized. its not easy. i have to bear in mind, though it sounds selfish, but in the end its all about myself. coz thats how life works. and even kat akhirat nanti pun kite sume will be on our own. cuma amalan yang menjadi kayu pengukur.
interesting eh, i've been living in so many places meeting with people from different walks of life, and now am talking about 'adapting' as if this is my first time i ever heard of it?
Thursday, 16 November 2006
the idea of creating one blog account at blogspot.com has been playing in my mind for quite some time. lagipun it has become an increasing concern as to how much hiccups are there by having a blog account at friendster.com, especially that thing where a notification will be sent to everyone in the friendster list everytime i'm done with a new entry. and that includes some people in office too. what a bugger - yeah i thought so.
after all, MY blog is mine and mine only. nothing should restrict me from blogging what i want (of course i know where's the limit though). i enjoy blogging for i can vent away my feelings in writings, i'll feel much better. but to talk about things in office (well, since more than a half of my bloody time is spent there..*yawn*) when people in office themselves are aware of the existence of a place where i always give my piece of mind... - err its not really a good idea isnt it? i'll get judged for nothing, and my writings will be bias in the sense that i feel so much restricted. and disturbed.
so yeah. here's a toast, to a new blog account. yeay. cheers~!